What if Like a Virgin
by Katy M VT
Summary: What if the last thing Sam remembered was dying the first time?  Chapter 4 of 4 up.
1. Waking Up

What if Sam didn't remember anything after dying the first time?

Sam woke up. He looked around. He didn't recognize his surroundings. He noticed that there was an IV in his arm. He pulled it out. He tried to remember what had happened.

The last thing he remembered was seeing Dean and Bobby, then pain. He was such an idiot. He had left that rusty knife next to Jake. He must have stabbed him with it. He didn't really remember what happened after that. He thought he saw Bobby going running by him. Probably chasing Jake. He heard Dean talking to him, telling him he was going to be fine, but then nothing after that. If Bobby had caught up with Jake and killed him, that meant that he was the last psychic left. Maybe the demon came back for him? If that was so, what had happened to Dean?

That fear for Dean was enough to finally give Sam the strength to push up from the bed. Painfully, slowly, he made his way out of the little room that he was in. Outside, it kind of looked like Bobby's basement. But, Sam didn't remember the other part of it. Probably a lot of basements looked the same. He crept up the stairs not sure of what he would find.

"So, what do you think happened?" Sam heard. That was Dean's voice.

"Dean?" Sam said.

Dean froze mid-sentence and turned around. He stood up and just looked at Sam. Cas had told him he had his soul back, but who knew what that was even going to end up meaning.

"Sam," Dean said.

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

What's going on? What did that even mean? Dean wondered.

"Are you OK?" Dean asked instead of answering his question.

"I'm kind of hungry," Sam admitted. He noticed that Bobby was just kind of staring at him. It was making him a little uncomfortable.

"Can you make him a sandwich?" Dean asked Bobby.

"When did I become your maid?" Bobby grumbled, but started making a sandwich. Sam had just tried to kill him ten days ago. He wasn't really sure how he felt about him right now. He didn't hate him. It was impossible to wipe out a lifetime of love with hate, but…

"What's the last thing you remember?" Dean was asking. If Sam had remembered trying to kill Bobby, then he wasn't much better than RoboSam, because he was acting like nothing happened.

"I remember I saw you guys, and then pain, like white hot, you know?" Sam said.

For a minute Dean wondered what Sam was talking about. Then he remembered. Those were the exact same words he used when he woke up after Cold Oak.

"Yeah, that kid stabbed you in the back," Dean said, not sure what he should do at this point.

"What are you guys talking about?" Bobby asked.

"We're talking about that kid Jake stabbing him in the back," Dean said pointedly.

"Did you get him?" Sam asked. He figured they probably must have if they knew his name.

"Yeah."

"That's bad. That means I'm the last one," Sam said.

Dean thought this was almost funny. Sam was freaking out about stuff that was long over when there was a ton of other stuff he probably should be freaking out over. But Dean was not going to tell him about that stuff. "Yeah, don't worry. We killed yellow eyes, too."

"How?" Sam asked.

"With the Colt. Look, Sam, it's a long story. Just trust me. The whole psychic kid thing is over. But, whatever you do, don't drink demon blood."

"Why would I drink demon blood?" Sam asked. That was just crazy. He had just found out that Yellow Eyes had dripped demon blood in his mouth when he was a baby, and he thought that was bad enough. Why would he go back for more?

"I have no idea. Just don't."

"OK," Sam said. Sounded easy enough.

He finished his sandwich and went to use the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Bobby asked Dean.

"We get a do over," he said.

"Sam's not an idgit. He can read a calendar," Bobby pointed out.

"DEAN!" Sam came running out of the bathroom.

"What?" Dean asked.

"I look different. Older."

Bobby gave Dean an 'I told you so' look.

"Yeah, you've been in a coma for four years," Dean said.

Sam gave him a look. "No, I haven't."

"How do you know?" Dean asked.

"Dean, people who have been in a coma for four years don't have more muscles than they did when they went into the coma. They have less."

Stupid Sam and his workouts. "OK, you apparently have amnesia, but I don't feel like going into the last few years. It was the same old crap, really."

"But, Dean," Sam began.

"We were about to go on a hunt. You in?" Dean asked.

"Sure," Sam said. He'd get his answers sooner or later.

"You two go ahead," Bobby said. "I promised that idgit, Rufus, I'd work the phones for him."

"Who's Rufus?" Sam asked.

"Old friend," Bobby said.

"What's wrong with him?" Sam asked as they were heading out to the car.

"Three parts liquor, one part age," Dean said.


	2. Investigation

"So, a girl disappeared out of a plane?" Sam asked in the car.

"Yep."

"That's definitely weird," Sam said. "Any idea what it could be?"

"Nope."

"Are you really not going to tell me what's been happening the last five years?" Sam asked.

"We've been hunting," Dean said.

"Well, why do I have amnesia? Something must have happened."

"You fell in a hole. You hit your head. You were in a coma for about ten days. Nothing worth mentioning has happened since Yellow Eyes died," Dean said.

Sam shrugged. One hunt was pretty much like another. Dean never liked to relive hunts. So, Sam guessed it wasn't so weird. He had kind of hoped that he wouldn't still be hunting by this point, though.

SSS

They went to the airplane girl's house. She still lived with her parents. Her sister was the only one home, though.

"Look, I've already been through this. I don't want to talk it about it any more," the sister said.

"I know it's hard," Sam said, "but if we could just see her room."

Dean grinned from ear to ear. Sammy had whipped out the puppy dog eyes. It had been a long time since he had seen those.

They looked around the girl's room and asked a few questions. Nothing earth shattering happened. They headed off to a hotel.

SSS

"I can't find that the missing girls have anything in common," Sam said. "A couple of them were churchgoers, but one of them wasn't."

"I think I know. They were virgins," Dean said.

"Where'd you come up with that?" Sam asked.

Dean held up the diary he had snagged out of the girl's room.

"Did you steal a dead girl's diary?" Sam asked. He wasn't sure why he was surprised. Dean had done it before on that zombie case.

"I love that you ask me that," Dean said. RoboSam wouldn't have cared.

"Well, what would target virgins?" Sam asked.

"Maybe someone wants to get rid of demons," Dean said, remembering that time they were in that jail and Ruby had told them about a spell that got rid of demons by sacrificing a virgin. Of course, who even knew if that was even a real thing? Ruby wasn't exactly a paragon of truth.

"What?" Sam asked.

"Nothing," Dean said, realizing Sam wouldn't know anything about that.

Sam heard an odd noise behind him and turned around. There was a man in a trench coat standing there. Sam bolted up. "What are you?" he asked.

"Cam down, Sam. This is Castiel. He's an angel," Dean said.

"I thought you didn't believe in angels, "Sam said. He wasn't sure if he did or not. The last time he thought he was dealing with an angel it turned out to be a ghost. He didn't want to be fooled twice.

"How does it feel, Sam?" Castiel asked.

"What?" Sam asked.

Dean glared at Castiel.

"Nothing," Castiel said getting the hint. He was much more powerful than Dean, but at the same time always felt uncomfortable when he was on his bad side. "I just came down to tell you that I think you are hunting dragons." He disappeared.

"What was that all about?" Sam asked. He found the whole exchange very odd. Did they have an angel helping them on hunts? "Does he always come down and help us when we don't know what we're dealing with."

"No. That's actually a first. We usually have to ask for help until we get sick of him ignoring us. It must have something to do with the war in Heaven."

"There's a war in Heaven?" Sam asked. Dean was definitely leaving out all the good stuff.

"Yeah, better up there than down here as far as I'm concerned," he said as he pulled out his cell phone. "Bobby, what do you know about dragons."

"Not much. I do know this professor who might be able to help though. Dr. Hall at SFU."

"Thanks, Bobby," Dean said and hung up. He didn't want to hear any lectures from Bobby. "Let's go."

"Where are we going?" Sam asked.

"SFU. Bobby knows a dragon professor."

"Seriously? Dragons?" Sam asked. He was finding it hard to believe some guy who just popped in.

"Yeah, that's what Cas said," Dean shrugged.

"But, how do you know he's an angel? How do you know he's not a demon or something? You could be trusting a demon."

Dean had to struggle really hard not to laugh. An admonition from Sam not to trust demons was too much. "Trust me, Sam. He's an angel. White light comes out of him, not black smoke. He can stroll through a devil's trap. Salt and holy water don't bother him. What more do you want?"

"OK, I guess," Sam agreed. "How long have we known him?"

"Three years, more or less," Dean said. They had reached the car and Dean pulled out of the parking lot. It was a couple of hours to San Francisco which sucked because Sam was going to use this as Q & A time.

"How did we meet him?" Sam asked. He had always believed in angels but never thought he would meet one. Or if he did just in passing. Not one that would come and go and help with stuff.

Dean wasn't going to let Sam know that he had sold his soul for him and gone to Hell, so he couldn't very well tell him that Cas had brought him back. "He just popped up one day."

"Really?' Sam asked skeptically.

"Yeah, it was weird," Dean said.

Sam was quiet. Too quiet. "What is it?" Dean asked.

"I was just thinking. If he goes back and forth to Heaven, do you think…," Sam trailed off.

"What?" Dean asked again.

"Do you think Mom and Jessica are in Heaven? Do you think he could give them messages and vice versa?" Sam asked hopefully. For all he knew, maybe they already had had some contact.

"I don't think so, Sam," Dean said, remembering that Ash hadn't been able to find Mom and Dad. Now that he thought about it, it was kind of weird that Sam hadn't asked about Jess while they were up there. She hadn't been in any of his memories either. Well, this Sam was closer to her death. To him, it had only been two years ago.

"Oh," Sam said, clearly disappointed. "I just wanted to tell them I'm sorry for getting them killed."

"They know that, Sam. Besides it wasn't your fault."

Sam fell silent again and Dean knew he was going to brood the rest of the way. Might not be so bad. At least he couldn't ask any more questions.


	3. The Sword in the Stone

Dean pushed the buzzer at the address Bobby had given them.

"Yes?" they heard.

"My name's Dean Winchester," Dean said.

"My office hours are Tuesday and Thursday afternoons," came the response.

"Bobby Singer sent us," Dean said, thinking of how many times that magic phrase had opened doors for him. They didn't get a response from the box, but a couple of seconds later the door opened to reveal a middle-aged blonde woman.

She led them upstairs.

"So, how do you know Bobby, anyway?" Sam asked.

"We were engaged once, but he messed up royally. Ask him. It's his story to tell," she said.

"OK, well, we're here about dragons," Dean said.

"Dragons have been extinct for about 700 years," Dr. Hall said.

"Well, they appear to be back," Dean said. "How do you kill a dragon and where do they live?"

"They lived in caves. The only way to kill a dragon is with a sword forged in dragon's blood."

"So, you have to kill a dragon to get a weapon to kill a dragon?" Sam asked. "How did they get the first one?"

"That's a really good question. I hadn't thought of that before," the professor admitted.

"Who cares about the first one? Are there any of these swords left?" Dean asked.

"There are a few. I happen to have one."

"You do?" Sam and Dean asked together. Dean smiled again. It had been a really long time since they had done that. The last time he remembered doing it was at that stupid Supernatural convention. Sam was lucky he had no memory of that. Dean smirked, wondering what would happen if they ran into Becky.

"Come on," she said and this time they followed her down to the basement.

"Are you kidding me?" Dean asked when he saw that the sword was stuck in a stone.

"No, all dragon swords are stuck in stones. Only a hero can pull them out," she said.

"Ok, I'll give it a shot," Dean said. No way the sword wouldn't come out for him. He was definitely a hero. A seriously flawed hero, but still a hero. He walked up to the stone confidently and pulled on the sword. It didn't budge. He pulled again. Nothing. He braced his feet against the stone and pulled and landed flat on his butt.

Sam laughed.

Dean glared.

"Sorry," Sam said. He wasn't really. That was too funny not to laugh at.

"You try, then," Dean groused. Sam laughed at him, he would laugh at Sam. They'd be even. And it would feel even more like old times.

Sam sighed and walked up to the sword. He pulled on it and came right out.

"Are you kidding me?" Dean demanded.

The professor was trying not to laugh. She didn't know Dean at all, but his discomfiture was very amusing.

"OK, we have a dragon to gank," Dean said.

"Probably more than one," the professor said.

"What?" Dean turned back.

"Dragons lair up in pairs."

"Great," Dean rolled his eyes. "Fine, we'll kill Mr. and Mrs. Dragon."

SSS

Sam was studying a map of the dragon infested area. "There are no caves in the area, but there are sewers. We should start there."

"How come you could pull the sword out and I couldn't?" Dean groused.

"Would you get over it already? Look, Arthur was the youngest son. All his brothers tried to pull it out before him. Maybe it only comes out for youngest sons," Sam suggested.

"But, you're not the youngest. Adam is," Dean said, before he could stop himself.

"Who's Adam?" Sam asked.

"Dad had another son. His name's Adam," Dean said.

"We have a brother?" Sam asked. This was huge news. What else had he missed? "What's he like?"

"I don't really know. He's dead. Ghouls got him."

"So, he was a hunter, too?" Sam asked. Odd that their father hadn't introduced them.

"No. He didn't know anything about the supernatural. Dad met his mother on a ghoul hunt and its kids came back for a little revenge 20 years later."

"Oh," Sam said. "That's too bad." He didn't know what else to say. He hadn't ever met him, so he couldn't feel any real grief. He did feel sad to have missed out on meeting him though. He could have been the older brother for once.

SSS

When they arrived back at Portland and found an entrance to the sewers Sam opened the trunk. "What are you doing?" Dean asked.

"We only have one sword between us and probably two dragons to fight. I'm seeing if there's anything we can use."

"Good thinking."

Sam came across a knife he didn't remember seeing before. Suddenly, he had a flash of him and a brunette. She was cutting her arm. That was it.

"What's this?" he asked Dean.

"That's a knife, Sam," Dean said.

Sam gave him a look.

"It kills demons," Dean expanded.

"A knife that kills demons? Where did we get it?" Sam asked.

"We stole it from a demon," Dean said. "Is there anything in there for our dragon hunt or not?" Dean demanded. He definitely didn't want Sammy remembering Ruby. Everything was fine before he met her.

Sam grabbed a machete and a flame thrower. Those seemed like the best choices for fighting a dragon.

SSS

"We've been roaming around the sewers for hours," Dean whined.

"Wait," Sam said. There was a stash of gold jewelry in a corner. "All the lore on dragons says they steal gold."

"Help!" they heard.

"Come on," Sam said and started running towards the yelling with Dean close behind.

When they approached they saw five girls locked in a grate. Sam was trying to get it opened, but it wasn't locked. It was like it had been soldered shut. Sam felt himself being pulled away and hurled across the sewers.

"Sam!" Dean yelled and ran to place himself between his brother and the man. Who knew dragons could turn into human form? Dean was hoping it made him easier to kill.

He was soon disabused of that notion as the dragon/man hit the sword away from him and it went skittering down one of the grates. Sam fired his flame thrower at the dragon and he turned around to deal with Sam. Dean ran over to try to get the sword, but it was just beyond his reach.

The second dragon chose that moment to show up and dragged Dean up. Dean fought him off and just stared at the dragon. He had lost the sword and Sam had both of the extra weapons.

Meanwhile, Sam's flame thrower had run out of flames and he was swiping at his dragon with the machete. The dragon grabbed it and started burning it from the blade down the handle. When it became too hot for Sam to hold, he dropped it and kicked the dragon back. He then lunged where he had seen Dean reaching for the sword. He was hoping his extra height would allow him to reach the sword and it did. He stood up and swiped at the dragon he had been fighting, but the dragon had disappeared. So, he turned to the other dragon and stabbed it, killing it.

"Where'd the other one go?" Dean asked.

Sam shrugged. "He disappeared. "Let's get these girls out of here."

They managed to pry the screws off the edges and lift up the grating and get the girls out.


	4. Remembrances of Things Past

As they were driving back to Bobby's, Sam remembered the brief flash of memory he had had. He started to put two and two together. "Dean, why did you tell me not to drink demon blood?"

"Why? Do you want to?" Dean asked, afraid that maybe Sam was getting a craving. He had had to drink quite a bit to take in Lucifer. For all he knew, RoboSam had been imbibing the whole time he'd been back.

"No, but that's just it. Why would you think that I would want to?" Sam asked.

Dean sighed.

"Dean. Tell me."

Dean realized Sam was going to find out sooner or later and it would be better if he found out from him. "When that Jake kid stabbed you, you died."

"How am I alive then? Did you sell your soul for me like Dad did for you?" Sam asked, aghast. "How long do you have?"

"I did sell my soul, but the deal is complete," Dean said. "The demon gave me a year. At the end of it I died. I went to Hell for four months and then angels pulled me out."

"Is that how you met that Castiel guy?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. You drank demon blood while I was gone because it allowed you to kill demons, but you got addicted and it messed you up really bad. That's about it," Dean said. He still didn't want Sam to know about starting the Apocalypse or RoboSam.

Sam felt like there was more that Dean wasn't telling him, but he decided not to push it right now. That was a lot to take in.

SSS

Dean and Bobby were outside working on cars. Sam was inside doing research to figure out why dragons were back all of a sudden. Dean had left his cell phone inside and it rang. Sam knew Dean had called some people on the dragon thing, so he figured he would answer the phone.

"Hello?" Sam said.

"Is Dean there?" Sam thought it sounded like a teenage boy.

"May I say who's calling?" Sam asked, mostly because he was curious what kid would be calling Dean.

"It's Ben, asshole," Ben said. He knew that was Sam. Sam was why Dean went away. He didn't like Sam and wasn't going to pretend that he did. Yeah, he had helped save him from the changelings or whatever that one time, but he still didn't like him for taking Dean away. It was like he had a father for the first time in his life.

Sam was already halfway out the door when he got the answer. He wondered what he had done to piss this kid off or if he was just surly with everybody.

"Dean, it's some kid named Ben," Sam said, handing Dean the phone.

Dean was shocked. He hadn't heard from Ben or Lisa since Lisa had justifiably told him to take a hike. He took the phone and walked into the house.

"Who's Ben?" Sam asked Bobby.

"Ask your brother." Bobby was still being short with Sam.

"Bobby, why are you mad at me?" Sam finally asked. He tried never to ask that question. He asked his dad that one time and got an earful and had never repeated the mistake.

Bobby sighed. He knew it wasn't fair to be mad at the kid when he didn't even know what he had done and he hadn't had a soul when he had done it. But at the same time, he had tried to kill him. Bobby had always been like a father to him and he felt betrayed in the most heinous way. He had promised Dean he wouldn't fill in Sam's blank spots, so he just went back to working on the car without answering. Sam went back in the house.

SSS

"What is it, Ben?" Dean asked.

"When are you coming back home?"

"I'm not. Your mom doesn't want me around and she's right," Dean said.

"But you never even said good-bye," Ben complained. Didn't Dean care about him at all? He just left without saying a word.

"You're right, Ben. I am sorry about that. I should have talked to you."

"What did I do wrong?" Ben asked.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Dean said. "This isn't about you."

Sam came in then, but Dean didn't notice him.

"Nothing's about me. I'm just a bother," Ben said.

"That's not true, Ben. But I don't want you growing up to have my life. If I lived with you and your mom that's what would happen."

Did Dean have a kid? Sam wondered.

"What's so wrong with your life?" Ben asked.

"My life sucks. You can be anything you want. Like a lawyer," Dean said, thinking of Sam's discarded plans.

Sam smiled. Dean was trying to convince someone to not be a hunter so they could be a lawyer. That was a switch.

"Can't you just come back?" Ben pleaded.

"No, Ben, I'm sorry. Good-bye." Dean hung up. He just stood there for a minute and then slowly turned around. He started when he saw Sam. How long have you been standing there.

"Do you have a son?" Sam asked.

"No. I had a girlfriend who has a son," Dean said.

"What happened?" Sam asked. The closest Sam had seen Dean come to having a girlfriend was Cassie and that had been while he was in college.

"Hunting got in the way," Dean replied briefly.

"You should quit hunting and go have a normal life," Sam said. That was what he always wanted, now it looked like maybe Dean did, too.

"I tried, Sam. It didn't work out."

"Why not?" Sam asked.

Dean rolled his eyes. Nobody could say Sam wasn't persistent. "It just didn't," he snapped and walked away.

Sam realized he was getting nowhere. Dean had left behind his phone again. Sam picked it up and called back the last incoming call. This time a woman answered. "What do you want, Dean?"

"Um," Sam said. He hadn't really thought this through. "This is Sam. I was wondering if you could help me figure out what happened between you and Dean." Sam felt ridiculous. He didn't even know this woman and she would probably expect him to know what happened.

"You, Sam. You're what happened. When you came back, I knew it was over." Lisa realized that was probably uncalled for. She didn't want Sam to feel bad for not being in Hell. She really was glad he was OK. Most of her was anyway.

Came back from where? Sam wondered. The woman had hung up, though. She would not be giving him any more information.

He heard the same noise he had heard before when that angel had shown up. He spun around. "Hello, Sam."

"Hi, Cas," Sam said. "Sorry about earlier. I didn't remember you, but I've gotten my memory back." Sam had no idea if it was possible to trick an angel or not, and he hoped that the consequences weren't too severe if it weren't.

"So, you remember everything?" Cas asked.

"More or less," Sam hedged.

"So, how does it feel?"

"How does what feel?" Sam asked.

"Having your soul back of course," Castiel was getting a little wary. Maybe Sam was trying to trick him for information in which case Dean was not going to be happy with him.

"Right," Sam said. "Because I was walking around with no soul. Yeah, it feels good." What did having no soul mean? Where had his soul been? "I'm just worried about permanent damage," he tried.

"Yes, well that's a very real concern. I warned Dean not to attempt restoring your soul. After all, it had been in the cage with Lucifer for a year and a half."

Cage? Lucifer? What the hell? "What do you think happened to it down there?"

"I'm quite sure both Lucifer and Michael were torturing it. Along with Adam, of course."

Adam. Sam remembered that name. Dean said they had a brother named Adam, but that ghouls had got him. "Is Adam still there?"

"Yes, of course. Death only agreed to get you out."

Dean came downstairs. "Hey, Cas, what's going on?"

"I had a few minutes so I thought I would check to see how Sam is doing. His soul seems to be fine. We were just discussing Adam still being in the cage."

"Cas!" Dean yelled. "You weren't supposed to tell him any of that."

"He said he remembered," Cas defended himself.

"He was lying. You're an angel. You can't tell when someone is lying?"

"I had my suspicions," Cas admitted. "But, Sam needs to know the truth."

"What happened?" Sam asked.

Dean told Sam the whole story. From the minute he died in Cold Oak until he woke up in the panic room. Sam couldn't believe the things he had done. Both before and after losing his soul. Drinking demon blood, starting the Apocalypse, agreeing to be Lucifer's vessel, letting Dean get turned into a vampire. No wonder that kid and his mother hated him. He had destroyed Dean's one chance at happiness. And trying to kill Bobby. That had to be the worst. He loved Bobby like a father. Probably more than his actual father if he was honest.

"I have to make up for everything I've done," Sam declared.

"How?" Dean asked. He couldn't undo the Apocalypse. He couldn't get Lisa and Ben back for Dean. Dean didn't even know what atrocities he had committed with the Campbells. "Clean slate," he said.

"But," Sam began.

"Dean's right," Castiel said. "If something comes to your attention that you can make right, by all means do it. But you'll just cause more damage seeking out reparations."

Bobby came in from working on the car. "What's going on in here?"

"Well, let's just say I know why you're mad at me and I don't blame you. I am so sorry, Bobby."

"That's OK," Bobby said.

"That's OK?" Sam and Dean both asked. Bobby had been giving Sam the cold shoulder this whole time.

"Sometimes all you need is to hear the apology." Bobby went out of the room.

Sam and Dean exchanged a look. Bobby was hard to figure out sometimes.

The End


End file.
